Sunday, December 19, 2010


Every year I spend a great time preparing myself for Christmas. For a few more recent years that meant budgeting my money and finding a way NOT to spend all my money on my family. I always end up thinking, "Oh no! I only got them one present when I got the rest of my family two!!" So I end up spending even more money to get him/her a second one... maybe even a third. But it works out in the end and Ive never felt like I gave a bad gift, which is quite an achievement.

I put up decorations and wear scarves even in warmer weather. If there is snow, I play in it. Snow men to snow forts to snow angles, if it snows than I will definitely be out in it. Christmas radio is on from dusk till dawn, and when it isn't, even in my sleep, I sing carols.

Last Christmas was interesting. Being away from my family for the entire year was difficult, but being away for Christmas (and thus my birthday) I felt strangely detached from them, which is something I have never felt before.

This year, oddly enough, the feeling of detachment continues. The feeling that I am some distant and almost forgotten part of my families festivities just wont go away. Not to say they are lacking in anything. This year there are more decorations in every room than there have ever been in our house. I put up lights and beads and ornaments until my fingers felt numb. I have had one of the best snow fights I have ever had and I sing a wider array of songs than what I am used to.

But, the strange feeling of Christmas (and thus my birthday) ... being eons away wont go away.

I wonder why.