Lost

Its funny how often I lose my way.

... Its even funnier how rarely I find my way back.

I feel like I get lost on this side track, off the main trail... only to get distracted by the next one, and after a while it turns into this labyrinth. Unable to find my way back I start wrestling my way through the underbrush. Finding myself surrounded by nothingness, wild wilderness, no way to turn, no way to go back, I sit... and wait.

Not sure what Im waiting for. Im not even certain anything will ever turn up, but I wait. and Wait.

Maybe eventually Ill get the courage to look for that trail again, but whose to say once I find it, I wont get sidetracked... again.

Remembered

I was doing a lot of remembering today, talking to some friends about school (while I was in Germany) all the outrageous phone calls Id make on a daily basis, but I remembered something that I never thought about before.

At a party my host family went to there was this family with a girl about seven years old and they came over and introduced themselves and the little girl said "Hallo."

I responded with, "Hi!"

After a little conversation I remember hearing the little girl ask what "Hi" meant and her mother explaining that I was American and it means hello in America.

Id love to meat that little girl again. Id love to go back.

Procrastination

Something that I have never been able to conquer, and something I find extremely important for my thinking process, provides the most amount of stress in my life, and will probably end up biting me in the butt more often than not is...

I am a procrastinator.

I have been since I was young and my mother would tell me to clean my room and several hours latter, after shoving most of it under my bed, tricking my younger/older sister to clean the worst part of it, playing with my cat, sneaking outside, riding my bike, getting called back in, eating dinner, and finally getting scolded by my mother for not finishing, Id eventually get done.

Of course, months latter my mother, on a grand cleaning spree would discover my secret stash under my bed, and that disaster would take days for me to get finished.

Its a process, and something that Ive discovered helps me create some of my best work, and some of the greatest disasters anyone has ever had the luck of stumbling upon. Middle school vocabulary tests were probably the lowest point for me, but now that I have the fortune of pursuing higher education, it only effects me in certain assignments, essays.

Now, I hope my teachers will NEVER find this, because every essay Ive ever done I might have spent... two to four hours on. Writing is truly the bane of my existence and I loath it as much as I can enjoy anything else, but a few days before its due Ill start scheduling in my mind the work I need to get done... and maybe 24 hours before its due Ill get started on it.

Of course, this is something my parents absolutely cant stand, something my friends sigh at, and something that causes me way too much stress.

I have no problem studying for tests or practicing some vocabulary or planning ahead for a project (important ones :P ) but writing always causes this issue for me.

Now instead of games Ill find things to do like... watch TV, or surf the internet. I find those extremely diverting, but now, a day and a half before I have my essay due, I'm sitting in front of the computer with no ideas for it, migraine headache, and finally getting started on, what is probably, one of the most daunting essays I have ever written.

Wish me luck.